When I first decided to write this blog, I was full of self-doubt. What if no one reads it? What if people don’t relate? What if I run out of things to say? Do I have the confidence to allow people into my personal life?
When I first posted a video on YouTube, I was full of self-doubt. What if I get no views? Why would anyone want to watch me doing day to day things? I have no clue how to edit. I hate looking at myself on camera, its so cringy!
When I bought my first house, I was full of self-doubt. What if the mortgage doesn’t get approved? What if our offer isn’t accepted? What if my financial situation changes? What if the market crashes and we want to sell?
When I was in a long term relationship, I was full of self-doubt. What if I’m not supportive enough? What if he cheats on me? How can I learn to trust him? Does he still find me attractive? Maybe I should make more of an effort?
Those are just 4 examples but I could make a long list of events, circumstances or decisions that have made me feel scared or self-conscious. The truth is, whenever we make any decision, it’s natural for us to have doubts. None of us are perfect and that’s why I think it’s so important that we are working on ourselves on a daily basis. What I have been learning is that, the answer to my above questions is always going to be ‘it doesn’t really matter because you will find a way to deal with it’.
What if no one reads my blog? – It doesn’t matter, you write it because you enjoy writing and clearing out your thoughts.
I have no clue how to edit! – It doesn’t matter, everything is learnable. YouTube alone can teach you pretty much anything.
What if my financial situation changes? – It doesn’t matter. My financial situation has changed and I have put systems in place to ensure this doesn’t have a damaging effect on me.
What if he cheats on me? – It doesn’t matter. That is a decision he will choose to make based on his own issues, not yours. In fact, this did happen but I got over it and now I am in a happier place.
I know that sometimes these situations can be incredibly difficult and when I say it doesn’t matter, that isn’t me saying, your life is not important or what happens to you is irrelevant. This is not at all the case. However, what I have grown to realise is that the most important thing is HOW we deal with these situations. Most of the doubts mentioned above have been manifested in my own mind and they won’t really matter in 10 years time because I will have moved on from them. It’s also perfectly fine to feel upset, scared, vulnerable or even heartbroken but these are the events in your life that will teach you the most about you.
We are definitely going to experience ups and downs in life, this is a given. The problem I have found is that I have let my downs bring me to a standstill and stop me from moving forward. I have let my downs consume me and allow them to take over my actions, or in most cases lead to inaction and depression.
What I am trying to say is that, we need to find coping mechanisms that work for us as individuals. My coping mechanisms may be different to yours and that is also fine. These don’t have to be anything drastic but perhaps daily, weekly or monthly habits that ensure we are always moving forward and moving towards our goals.
Some examples that help me are:
Accountability partners – I have mentioned in a previous blog post that at the beginning of every week I have a Skype call with my brothers to discuss how our weeks have gone and what we want to achieve moving forward. Last week I felt as if I had a mediocre week and I was a bit bummed at the fact that my self-doubt was stopping me from vlogging. I felt like I couldn’t bear the thought of watching myself on camera at the moment and I just wanted to write instead. One of my brothers suggested taking small steps. He encouraged me not to think about editing or posting the video, but instead just focus on filming myself. Even if it’s just my thought of the day or something small. The act of filming will bring me closer to the end goal, rather than just avoiding it. Awesome!
Network – Yesterday I went to a networking event run by a friend of mine. It’s a business event but with an informal feel to it. Everyone who attended was humble, kind and positive. It was my first event and it started off with brief introductions from each person. I was picked to speak first and I spoke about what I have done, what I am currently doing and where I want to go. I normally would’ve died at the thought of speaking in front of a group, especially going first and not having anything prepared. However, I noticed how much more confident I have become because I didn’t feel nervous and I spoke calmly and clearly to the group. I also got really good feedback and encouragement from everyone and it made me feel great. Not only this, but I felt like I was also impacting other people because I had some useful ideas and connections to help specific members of the group.
The little things – I wasn’t really sure how to phrase this one but I have noticed that there are so many little things I can do throughout my day/week to make myself feel more confident and willing to tackle my tasks ahead. For example, I did in fact start filming again this week because I am tracking my 30 day plan via video diary and I had to film my day one. To make myself more confident about this, I decided to put some makeup on. I know it seems trivial but for me, it made a difference and made me feel more confident. Similarly, yesterday before the networking event, I put on my heeled boots. Again, something trivial but just walking around in heels and hearing the clicky, tapping sound makes me walk taller and feel more confident.
Read – This is one that I sometimes struggle with doing daily but if I allot a certain time to it, such as in the morning before I do anything, or at night before I go to bed, it becomes an easier habit. I have my collection of books and I think it’s really important to keep learning regularly. I am still getting through Radical Self Love at the moment which has really helped me with some of my personal issues that most of us women have. I also have my next book lined up, recommended by my brother – A New Earth. So, I am already stacking up a new list of books!
Ultimately, I just want to let you know that feeling self-doubt is absolutely normal. I would encourage you to put some systems in place and ask yourself, ‘Why am I feeling this way? Will this really matter in 10 years time? How can I keep moving forward?’
If any of you have any techniques or systems in place when dealing with self-doubt, I would love to hear about them.
Thanks for reading.